I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i now understand why vodka
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
