I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
