Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My penis needs a shock collar
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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