piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize