After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
