he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
