Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
