somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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