hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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