Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
