nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
