yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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