i think my tv is drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
