What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
