She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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