just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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