There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize