In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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