and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
