last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
