I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize