it was like his penis was on wheels.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
