Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
