Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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