I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
