i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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