Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
