I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
