No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
