i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
