I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
