She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Houston, we have a squirter
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
