EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize