apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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