It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize