We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
