you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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