On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
