i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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