my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
