that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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