he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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