everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
