why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
