we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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