His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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