The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize