She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
