He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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