I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
