Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found the puke drawer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
