You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
