i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
