If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
