How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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