my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
