you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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