I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
