you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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