One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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