he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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