but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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