yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
