my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
