Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
