Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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