dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
